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SonRise Bible Church
29505 N. Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, AZ 85266
Phone: 480.502.2834
Contact Via Email
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May 25, 2009
Does My Child Really Want Advice?
Sometimes a parent is ready to offer a solution to a child before that child is ready to receive it. In fact, many times children share problems with parents because they want sympathy, not solutions. If you move into a problem-solving mode too quickly, you may get resistance from your child.
Try to discern whether your child is ready to hear some possible solutions. Asking permission is an excellent way to do that. "Would you like an idea?" "Would you like to hear how other people might solve that problem?" If you launch into solutions before your child is ready, you’ll find yourself getting frustrated at the child's lack of responsiveness to your suggestions. A simple question can open the door for permission to offer solutions.
By the way dads, you might try this with your wife, as well. Those who are problem-solvers need to recognize that sometimes people present a problem just because they want to be cared for, not because they don't have answers. Your wife or child may be fully capable of solving the problem. But first she just wants a listening ear, some one to stand beside her in the problem.
It's not enough to have answers to people's problems. We also must be sensitive enough to know what is needed in the situation. Resist the temptation to offer solutions until you sense your child is ready to hear them. Empathy goes a long way in building emotional bonds with those we love.
This tip comes from the book, Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, In You and Your Kids by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
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